Heartbreak

It felt real.
That feeling where originated from deep within your heart, that ripples out to your whole body till the very tip of your fingers and toes.
You feel helpless, despair and out of control. Weightlessness that causes you to wish you could just curl up and die.
A shiver that goes down and back up your spine, it’s too much that you closes your eyes and let it drag your sanity away.
Sometimes it brings a stream down from your eyes. But sometimes you have emptied too much of yourself that there’s nothing to let go of your feelings with, these are the worst.
You know it’s imaginary that there isn’t actually demons inside your heart, that there are no dragons breathing down your back. There is only agony in your mind but your soul is trapped in the hopeless time lapse that it has created.
There is no way out.

This, is call a heartbreak

The Concept of Self

The concept of self can only be obtained through the presence of others. A person can only know themselves through others. If a person dislike the 'self' that they see from others they generates hate towards the people whom they see themselves from. 

Through recognition a person finds their value. Recognition from others comes from their expectation of you. However you don't live to fulfill the expectation of others but for yourself. 

How others react to your action will be the mirror for you to see yourself; and this goes on over and over, again and again.

Worthless

You are not wanted.

The feeling when people just shunt you aside and move on with their lives.
One moment you felt that there was actually a person who cared, that you could trust. The next moment you realized that they were just there because they simply wanted something from you.

You doubt your own self-worth and felt that everyone around you lives better without you.
What is your value? What is your contribution? You are not funny nor interesting, you have nothing to share and whatever you do are simply inferior in every way to the people around you.

You start seeing a selfish motivation behind every interaction people had with you, you start doubting yourself.

You isolate

You crumple up

You die...



Cassie put down her pen and look out the window. She has been sitting on the window silt for the whole afternoon. Her thoughts clouded her mind and she could not muster any motivation to raise from her seat, not even to read, not even to distract herself. She could not see her friends that cared for her. She only felt cold and alone, because the person she cared for most had abandoned her. 

Autumn

It's autumn again. It seems like only yesterday that you were celebrating the start of summer. 

Leggings and cardigans starts appearing along with students who are preparing for the beginning of a new school year. 

The air doesn't hung with warm humid air and the sun didn't seem to scotch your skin as much. Although the temperature is still high, you know that autumn has begun. 

Autumn for many, marks change. Toddlers become grade school kids; high-schoolers move on to college. It's all about growing up, leaving and becoming the person you're not sure if you're ready to become. 

It's the time to get lost, to wander and to face new challenges. 

Modern Time Capsule

I found the iPod touch at the bottom of my drawer and maybe I could put it into good use...

As I charge up the old gadget, the old familiar iOS look up at me. This was the piece of metal that helped me through the darkest days of my life. Whenever I was feeling sad and depressed I would listen to songs that block out my frustrations. I would spend my time playing the mini games on to make me forget my worries. I would type my feelings into the Notes where it would absorb and make my troubles disappear. I would store our pictures into the photo albums and sneak a peak when faces become burry. I would put my hopes into the small square with the blue "S" that could connect us...

These were the memories that I have forgotten, stored safe and sound in the little 4 inch rectangle.

I look at these bittersweet memories and thought of all the difficult nights that I went through, all the happiness and sadness...

That was the me years ago, and the you who still loved me then - lock and preserved in the 8GB of memory.

The Negative Project